1 00:00:03,742 --> 00:00:04,091 . 2 00:00:04,134 --> 00:00:06,049 - "Will and Grace" is recorded 3 00:00:06,093 --> 00:00:08,356 in front of a live studio audience. 4 00:00:08,399 --> 00:00:10,836 [jazzy piano music] 5 00:00:10,880 --> 00:00:14,536 ♪ 6 00:00:15,972 --> 00:00:17,060 - If you see the waitress, 7 00:00:17,104 --> 00:00:18,409 can you tell her I never got my toast? 8 00:00:21,804 --> 00:00:23,501 - Here, have one of mine. 9 00:00:26,678 --> 00:00:29,029 - I know that tongue has been nowhere, 10 00:00:29,072 --> 00:00:30,334 so I'm fine with it. 11 00:00:33,294 --> 00:00:35,122 - McCoy and I have been talking about baby names. 12 00:00:35,165 --> 00:00:36,775 He likes Alice. 13 00:00:36,819 --> 00:00:38,255 - Wow, lucky kid, 14 00:00:38,299 --> 00:00:40,692 having two dads, just like Jesus. 15 00:00:40,736 --> 00:00:42,129 - Mm. 16 00:00:42,172 --> 00:00:44,522 And she'll have a Mary right across the hall. 17 00:00:46,220 --> 00:00:48,135 - But this one ain't a virgin. - Ha-ha. 18 00:00:50,093 --> 00:00:52,487 - Of course, Phallus could be a boy. 19 00:00:52,530 --> 00:00:54,663 You are carrying low and wide. 20 00:00:56,926 --> 00:00:59,537 - A son. 21 00:00:59,581 --> 00:01:00,843 My son. 22 00:01:00,886 --> 00:01:03,541 Oh, I'll teach him everything a boy should know: 23 00:01:03,585 --> 00:01:06,501 the difference between good and bad fats... 24 00:01:07,545 --> 00:01:09,243 How to fold a pocket square 25 00:01:09,286 --> 00:01:11,375 into a perfect peak, poof, or point. 26 00:01:11,419 --> 00:01:12,507 - "Peak, Poof, or Point" 27 00:01:12,550 --> 00:01:14,117 was the name of my one-man show. 28 00:01:14,161 --> 00:01:15,249 - I left during Poof. 29 00:01:15,292 --> 00:01:17,164 - Oh, then you missed the whole Point. 30 00:01:17,207 --> 00:01:19,253 - Coffee? - Sure. 31 00:01:19,296 --> 00:01:21,342 - Oh, I'll teach him the importance of the Dollys, 32 00:01:21,385 --> 00:01:23,083 both "Hello" and Parton. 33 00:01:23,126 --> 00:01:25,215 - Yeah. 34 00:01:25,259 --> 00:01:27,609 - Yeah, I can definitely see myself raising a son. 35 00:01:27,652 --> 00:01:28,653 Say when. 36 00:01:28,697 --> 00:01:30,829 - Hey, here's a crazy think-a-doo. 37 00:01:30,873 --> 00:01:33,310 What if he's a straight boy? 38 00:01:33,354 --> 00:01:34,964 When. When. 39 00:01:35,007 --> 00:01:36,444 Ow! Will, stop! 40 00:01:36,487 --> 00:01:39,577 [upbeat trumpet and piano music] 41 00:01:39,621 --> 00:01:45,540 ♪ 42 00:01:47,977 --> 00:01:52,373 - [laughing] 43 00:01:56,986 --> 00:01:58,161 - It's not funny, Karen. 44 00:01:58,205 --> 00:02:00,816 - Grace, you're pregnant. It's hilarious. 45 00:02:02,774 --> 00:02:04,994 So, have you broken the news to Will yet? 46 00:02:05,037 --> 00:02:07,127 - Yep, and he's having a baby too. 47 00:02:07,170 --> 00:02:09,564 - That's kind of how it works. 48 00:02:09,607 --> 00:02:13,655 When a gay man loves his hag very, very much... 49 00:02:13,698 --> 00:02:15,831 - No, no, this isn't Will's baby. 50 00:02:15,874 --> 00:02:19,356 - Oh, well, I just figured since you share towels that... 51 00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:26,233 - Basketball? 52 00:02:26,276 --> 00:02:28,974 Oh, you poor old man. 53 00:02:29,018 --> 00:02:32,282 You need me to teach you how to Google porn again? 54 00:02:32,326 --> 00:02:34,719 - Last time you did that, I ended up on a list 55 00:02:34,763 --> 00:02:36,721 I'll never get off. 56 00:02:36,765 --> 00:02:37,853 - You know what? 57 00:02:37,896 --> 00:02:40,334 You got off. That's all I'm hearing. 58 00:02:40,377 --> 00:02:41,813 - I'm watching it because this is what 59 00:02:41,857 --> 00:02:43,424 fathers do with their straight sons. 60 00:02:43,467 --> 00:02:45,600 They watch sports, so I need to educate myself. 61 00:02:45,643 --> 00:02:46,905 If my son wants to talk sports, 62 00:02:46,949 --> 00:02:49,212 then I will be fluent in all things sports. 63 00:02:49,256 --> 00:02:51,649 - All right, well, I love baskets. 64 00:02:51,693 --> 00:02:55,218 - I love balls. - And snap, the job's a game. 65 00:02:55,262 --> 00:02:57,481 I used to love watching the fellas shoot hoops 66 00:02:57,525 --> 00:03:00,397 in high school, especially when it was skirts and skins. 67 00:03:00,441 --> 00:03:03,183 - You mean, shirts and skins. 68 00:03:03,226 --> 00:03:06,229 - No wonder I got beat up so much. 69 00:03:06,273 --> 00:03:09,189 - So, who's the "lucky" guy? 70 00:03:09,232 --> 00:03:10,712 And I mean lucky ironically, 71 00:03:10,755 --> 00:03:12,844 like when you call a huge guy tiny. 72 00:03:12,888 --> 00:03:14,237 [laughs] 73 00:03:14,281 --> 00:03:15,934 - His name's Marcus. 74 00:03:15,978 --> 00:03:17,501 He's the guy I followed on the plane, 75 00:03:17,545 --> 00:03:21,244 and then we spent an incredible week together in Rome. 76 00:03:21,288 --> 00:03:22,811 - Ah, Rome. 77 00:03:22,854 --> 00:03:25,292 You know, Stanley and I honeymooned there. 78 00:03:25,335 --> 00:03:28,947 Everywhere he sat, he created a new ruin. 79 00:03:28,991 --> 00:03:31,515 - Okay, well, he's gonna be here any minute. 80 00:03:31,559 --> 00:03:34,301 So I need you to-- - Help you trap him. 81 00:03:34,344 --> 00:03:36,346 - I'm not trying to trap him. 82 00:03:36,390 --> 00:03:39,654 - Not in that outfit, you're not. 83 00:03:39,697 --> 00:03:42,047 Although it might play on his sympathies. 84 00:03:42,091 --> 00:03:43,484 [knock at door] 85 00:03:43,527 --> 00:03:45,790 Quick, look desperate. 86 00:03:45,834 --> 00:03:47,662 Oh, perfect. 87 00:03:47,705 --> 00:03:50,447 - Go. Take your vodkaccino. 88 00:03:55,017 --> 00:03:57,149 - Grace. - Marcus. 89 00:03:57,193 --> 00:03:58,281 - Wow. 90 00:03:58,325 --> 00:03:59,326 Did you get prettier 91 00:03:59,369 --> 00:04:00,327 since the last time I saw you? 92 00:04:00,370 --> 00:04:01,328 I mean, is that even possible? 93 00:04:01,371 --> 00:04:02,590 - I did, it is, 94 00:04:02,633 --> 00:04:05,070 and thank you for noticing. - Yeah, yeah. 95 00:04:05,114 --> 00:04:07,638 - Ugh, gym class was awful. 96 00:04:07,682 --> 00:04:10,075 Remember being terrified of getting a boner in the shower? 97 00:04:10,119 --> 00:04:12,426 I used to pull my daisy-covered shower cap 98 00:04:12,469 --> 00:04:14,079 over my eyes so I wouldn't see anything. 99 00:04:14,123 --> 00:04:15,516 - Constantly. 100 00:04:15,559 --> 00:04:17,344 And when I did, I was like, 101 00:04:17,387 --> 00:04:20,564 "I'm just thinking of my girlfriend." 102 00:04:20,608 --> 00:04:22,262 "Like you have a girlfriend, McFarland. 103 00:04:22,305 --> 00:04:23,480 What's her name?" 104 00:04:23,524 --> 00:04:25,352 "Uh, Judith." 105 00:04:25,395 --> 00:04:27,092 "That's your mom's name." 106 00:04:27,136 --> 00:04:29,965 "Yeah, and I bought them both the same bracelet." 107 00:04:32,881 --> 00:04:35,231 - I was the worst with fake girlfriend names. 108 00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:36,754 My go-to was "The Facts of Life." 109 00:04:36,798 --> 00:04:40,062 I dated Tootie in junior high, freshman year was Blair, 110 00:04:40,105 --> 00:04:43,631 and I lost my virginity to my sexy neighbor Mrs. Garrett. 111 00:04:46,242 --> 00:04:47,852 Edna was insatiable. 112 00:04:47,896 --> 00:04:50,464 She took the good and she took the bad. 113 00:04:52,379 --> 00:04:53,945 - We had some fun, didn't we? 114 00:04:53,989 --> 00:04:55,120 - It was perfect. 115 00:04:55,164 --> 00:04:56,861 - Grace, let's do it again, right now. 116 00:04:56,905 --> 00:04:59,734 You and me, tomorrow morning, Corner Café in Paris, 117 00:04:59,777 --> 00:05:01,866 the streets still wet from a morning rain. 118 00:05:01,910 --> 00:05:04,608 - Oh, can it be sunny? I've got this hair. 119 00:05:04,652 --> 00:05:06,958 - Whatever you want. What do you say? 120 00:05:07,002 --> 00:05:09,265 - Marcus, I'm pregnant. 121 00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:12,181 - Oh, um... 122 00:05:12,224 --> 00:05:13,574 wow. 123 00:05:13,617 --> 00:05:14,575 - Mm. 124 00:05:14,618 --> 00:05:16,403 - That's amazing. 125 00:05:16,446 --> 00:05:18,666 That's such wonderful news. I'm so happy. 126 00:05:18,709 --> 00:05:20,929 - You are? - Yeah, totally. 127 00:05:20,972 --> 00:05:22,713 So who's the father? 128 00:05:26,500 --> 00:05:27,805 - Well, you are. 129 00:05:27,849 --> 00:05:29,590 - Me? Oh, no, no, not me. 130 00:05:29,633 --> 00:05:31,331 No, can't be me. No, I had a vasectomy. 131 00:05:31,374 --> 00:05:33,333 - A vasectomy? 132 00:05:38,207 --> 00:05:39,208 - What was that? 133 00:05:39,251 --> 00:05:40,514 - Nothing! 134 00:05:42,037 --> 00:05:45,170 - Squeaky, old pipes. I should fire them! 135 00:05:45,214 --> 00:05:46,520 [high-pitched beep] 136 00:05:46,563 --> 00:05:48,609 - Hot tea. - That sounds lovely. 137 00:05:50,001 --> 00:05:52,047 Did you do any sports with your dad? 138 00:05:52,090 --> 00:05:53,527 - Once. 139 00:05:53,570 --> 00:05:56,094 We were in the park, and he threw me a basketball. 140 00:05:56,138 --> 00:05:58,706 I caught it, kissed it, then thanked the Academy, 141 00:05:58,749 --> 00:06:00,447 and dropped it on the ground. 142 00:06:02,884 --> 00:06:05,974 I just remember the look of embarrassment on his face. 143 00:06:06,017 --> 00:06:07,932 I never wanna see that look from my son. 144 00:06:07,976 --> 00:06:09,281 That's why I gotta learn this stuff. 145 00:06:09,325 --> 00:06:10,413 Say when. 146 00:06:10,457 --> 00:06:11,588 - Hey, here's a crazy think-a-doo. 147 00:06:11,632 --> 00:06:13,503 What if he doesn't just wanna watch sports, 148 00:06:13,547 --> 00:06:15,244 he wants to play sports with you? 149 00:06:15,287 --> 00:06:17,464 When. When, when! 150 00:06:17,507 --> 00:06:18,900 Ow! Will, when! 151 00:06:21,642 --> 00:06:22,033 . 152 00:06:22,077 --> 00:06:23,731 [jazz piano music] 153 00:06:23,774 --> 00:06:25,123 - I knew kids would limit my freedom. 154 00:06:25,167 --> 00:06:27,169 Plus, my family has this long history 155 00:06:27,212 --> 00:06:28,953 of serial killers and left-handedness. 156 00:06:28,997 --> 00:06:30,433 Such a bad combo. 157 00:06:30,477 --> 00:06:32,435 I mean, try to find a pair of scissors to kill with. 158 00:06:34,350 --> 00:06:36,047 We also have a history of making jokes 159 00:06:36,091 --> 00:06:37,440 at the wrong time. 160 00:06:37,484 --> 00:06:40,312 - Look, I don't know much about vasectomies, 161 00:06:40,356 --> 00:06:45,187 but isn't possible that one sperm survived? 162 00:06:46,971 --> 00:06:48,320 You know, like that Japanese soldier 163 00:06:48,364 --> 00:06:50,975 who didn't know that the war was over. 164 00:06:51,019 --> 00:06:52,716 - I don't know. 165 00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:53,804 I mean, the brochure said, 166 00:06:53,848 --> 00:06:55,589 "All sperm dead or your money back." 167 00:06:57,721 --> 00:06:58,983 - So you're not the father. 168 00:06:59,027 --> 00:07:00,811 - I'm not. 169 00:07:00,855 --> 00:07:03,466 - Okay. 170 00:07:03,510 --> 00:07:05,990 - Hey, you are gonna be a fantastic mom. 171 00:07:06,034 --> 00:07:07,992 - Oh, I hope so. - Oh, yeah. 172 00:07:08,036 --> 00:07:09,777 Oh, you'll be great at feeding it 173 00:07:09,820 --> 00:07:13,302 and cleaning up after it and taking it for walks. 174 00:07:13,345 --> 00:07:16,000 I only ever had dogs. 175 00:07:16,044 --> 00:07:17,175 - Take care. 176 00:07:17,219 --> 00:07:19,177 - You too. 177 00:07:20,875 --> 00:07:22,964 - So it is Will's. 178 00:07:23,007 --> 00:07:24,618 - It is not Will's, 179 00:07:24,661 --> 00:07:27,490 but I was so sure that it was Marcus'. 180 00:07:27,534 --> 00:07:28,839 I mean, the frequency, the timing. 181 00:07:28,883 --> 00:07:31,146 I mean, we did sink stuff. 182 00:07:31,189 --> 00:07:33,540 - Well, then who is the father? 183 00:07:33,583 --> 00:07:37,892 Who's the dude who hit snooze on your biological clock? 184 00:07:37,935 --> 00:07:39,459 - I don't--I don't know. 185 00:07:39,502 --> 00:07:42,070 - Grace, how many candidates are there? 186 00:07:42,113 --> 00:07:44,507 - Two. - How many donuts did you eat? 187 00:07:44,551 --> 00:07:45,856 - Two. - So it's three? 188 00:07:45,900 --> 00:07:47,162 - Yeah. 189 00:07:49,294 --> 00:07:51,906 - Three guys, one is the father. 190 00:07:51,949 --> 00:07:53,734 [gasps] Mamma mia. 191 00:07:55,344 --> 00:07:57,172 It's just like "Mamma Mia!" 192 00:07:57,215 --> 00:07:58,521 ♪ Here I go again 193 00:07:58,565 --> 00:08:00,697 - I don't even know how to find these guys. 194 00:08:00,741 --> 00:08:02,264 - ♪ How can I resist you - Stop. 195 00:08:02,307 --> 00:08:04,788 - ♪ Mamma mia, does it show 196 00:08:04,832 --> 00:08:06,877 - Karen. - ♪ My, my 197 00:08:06,921 --> 00:08:09,227 ♪ Just how much I missed you ["Mamma Mia" melody plays] 198 00:08:09,271 --> 00:08:12,404 both: ♪ Yes, I've been brokenhearted ♪ 199 00:08:12,448 --> 00:08:15,843 ♪ Blue since the day we parted ♪ 200 00:08:15,886 --> 00:08:19,281 ♪ Why, why, did I ever let you go ♪ 201 00:08:19,324 --> 00:08:22,197 ♪ 202 00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:24,416 [knock at door] 203 00:08:24,460 --> 00:08:26,854 - Hey, honey. You like my lab coat? 204 00:08:26,897 --> 00:08:28,769 - Do you need my pee again? 205 00:08:28,812 --> 00:08:29,987 - No way. 206 00:08:30,031 --> 00:08:33,208 Last time, it tested positive for Oreos. 207 00:08:35,079 --> 00:08:38,126 Anyway, you know how much we adored "Mamma Mia!"? 208 00:08:38,169 --> 00:08:40,389 And you know how I'm rich and bored 209 00:08:40,432 --> 00:08:43,174 and have no moral compass? 210 00:08:43,218 --> 00:08:44,872 - What did you do? 211 00:08:44,915 --> 00:08:46,613 - Come on in, fellas! 212 00:08:52,706 --> 00:08:54,534 - Those are the men I slept with in Europe. 213 00:08:54,577 --> 00:08:56,797 - Shh. They think they won a boat. 214 00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:59,364 [upbeat piano music] 215 00:09:03,847 --> 00:09:05,153 - Oh, hey. 216 00:09:05,196 --> 00:09:06,415 You ready to play some b-ball? 217 00:09:06,458 --> 00:09:08,417 - B-ball? More like C-ball. 218 00:09:08,460 --> 00:09:10,114 What is going on with those shorts? 219 00:09:10,158 --> 00:09:11,812 - Oh, cute, right? 220 00:09:14,945 --> 00:09:16,425 I got 'em at a vintage store. 221 00:09:16,468 --> 00:09:19,297 Oh, to have been alive in 1976. 222 00:09:19,341 --> 00:09:22,779 - You were alive in 19-- - Oh, to have been alive. 223 00:09:22,823 --> 00:09:24,389 Should we play? 224 00:09:24,433 --> 00:09:26,000 - How does basketball start? 225 00:09:26,043 --> 00:09:28,219 Oh, we know this. 226 00:09:28,263 --> 00:09:29,438 - Two, three, four. 227 00:09:29,481 --> 00:09:32,484 both: Brrr, it's cold in here. 228 00:09:32,528 --> 00:09:35,836 There must be some homos in the atmosphere. 229 00:09:35,879 --> 00:09:37,185 - Hey, Jack. 230 00:09:37,228 --> 00:09:38,534 - Hey, Theodore. 231 00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:41,145 Just shooting some hoops with my buddy Will here. 232 00:09:41,189 --> 00:09:42,582 He's gonna be a dad soon, 233 00:09:42,625 --> 00:09:44,888 so he's freaking out that his son might be straight. 234 00:09:44,932 --> 00:09:47,499 That whole thing. - I'm not freaking out. 235 00:09:47,543 --> 00:09:49,589 I just don't want my son to be embarrassed of me. 236 00:09:49,632 --> 00:09:50,764 So I gotta get good at sports 237 00:09:50,807 --> 00:09:53,767 in case he's born theatrically-challenged. 238 00:09:53,810 --> 00:09:54,811 - So you brought this guy 239 00:09:54,855 --> 00:09:57,422 to teach you how to play basketball? 240 00:09:57,466 --> 00:09:58,685 Gee, maybe I can teach you how to play ice hockey 241 00:09:58,728 --> 00:09:59,816 a little later. 242 00:09:59,860 --> 00:10:01,644 - Ooh, I didn't even think of hockey. 243 00:10:01,688 --> 00:10:02,689 That'd be great. 244 00:10:02,732 --> 00:10:05,430 - That was a joke, because I'm black. 245 00:10:06,562 --> 00:10:07,998 I really appreciate you not getting this, 246 00:10:08,042 --> 00:10:11,393 but I'm just saying there's no way Jack's any good at... 247 00:10:13,830 --> 00:10:15,353 - Oh, did I just put the ball in the thing? 248 00:10:15,397 --> 00:10:16,833 - Okay, that was one lucky shot, 249 00:10:16,877 --> 00:10:19,401 but there's still no way that Jack is any good at this. 250 00:10:21,882 --> 00:10:25,537 - I bet you're both wondering why I'm so good at this. 251 00:10:25,581 --> 00:10:28,410 - No, I already know, it's-- - It all started in 2011. 252 00:10:29,759 --> 00:10:31,848 I auditioned for the role of Troy 253 00:10:31,892 --> 00:10:34,677 in a local production of "High School Musical." 254 00:10:35,896 --> 00:10:39,116 My audition song, "Get'cha Head in the Game." 255 00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:41,858 Final moment, a perfect basket. 256 00:10:41,902 --> 00:10:44,905 I worked for weeks and weeks, and at the end of my audition, 257 00:10:44,948 --> 00:10:48,430 this swish made the perfect swish. 258 00:10:53,435 --> 00:10:54,392 - So you got the part? 259 00:10:54,436 --> 00:10:56,307 - No, I did not. 260 00:10:56,351 --> 00:10:58,005 - I believe their feedback was, 261 00:10:58,048 --> 00:11:01,617 "You are not a student at this high school." 262 00:11:04,011 --> 00:11:05,926 - The point is... 263 00:11:07,754 --> 00:11:09,799 I made myself good at basketball, 264 00:11:09,843 --> 00:11:11,235 and Will can too. 265 00:11:11,279 --> 00:11:12,715 - Well, all right, I'll leave you all to it, 266 00:11:12,759 --> 00:11:14,412 and I'm digging the '70s outfit. 267 00:11:14,456 --> 00:11:16,588 - Fabulous decade, kills me to have missed it. 268 00:11:16,632 --> 00:11:19,026 - But aren't you-- - I missed it. 269 00:11:20,418 --> 00:11:24,074 - Let's meet our contestants, shall we? 270 00:11:24,118 --> 00:11:27,338 First, we have Mario, a transportation executive, 271 00:11:27,382 --> 00:11:30,298 or in Italian, a taxi driver. 272 00:11:32,300 --> 00:11:35,651 Next, we have Paolo, a hotel pool boy. 273 00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:37,087 [laughs] 274 00:11:37,131 --> 00:11:39,699 He could fish dead frogs out of my trap any ol' day. 275 00:11:42,658 --> 00:11:45,052 And finally, we have Steve Buscemi 276 00:11:45,095 --> 00:11:46,967 on his best day ever... 277 00:11:50,579 --> 00:11:53,277 Who was travelling in Europe with his family. 278 00:11:53,321 --> 00:11:54,714 - You're married? - No. 279 00:11:54,757 --> 00:11:56,759 I was with my mom and dad. 280 00:11:56,803 --> 00:12:00,937 - You said you were 30. - You said you were 30. 281 00:12:00,981 --> 00:12:03,940 - We're talking about you, young man. 282 00:12:03,984 --> 00:12:05,289 How old are you? 283 00:12:05,333 --> 00:12:07,944 - I'm a senior... in college. 284 00:12:07,988 --> 00:12:09,076 - Oh, God, thank God. 285 00:12:11,469 --> 00:12:12,644 - I thought we were getting a boat. 286 00:12:12,688 --> 00:12:14,385 I see no boat. Where's the boat? 287 00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:17,301 - Okay, this is good. 288 00:12:17,345 --> 00:12:19,521 Let's play a little one-on-one. 289 00:12:25,832 --> 00:12:29,009 Okay, so, I'll be me and you be my straight son. 290 00:12:29,052 --> 00:12:30,401 - Okay, great. 291 00:12:30,445 --> 00:12:31,968 Let's start by passing the ball back and forth, 292 00:12:32,012 --> 00:12:36,190 but first, allow me to build my character, okay? 293 00:12:36,233 --> 00:12:37,931 I'm a straight teen who's embarrassed 294 00:12:37,974 --> 00:12:39,149 by his queer dad. 295 00:12:39,193 --> 00:12:42,849 And... found him. 296 00:12:42,892 --> 00:12:45,460 [in deep voice] Hurry up, gay dad. 297 00:12:46,853 --> 00:12:48,985 I wanna go home and watch an Adam Sandler movie 298 00:12:49,029 --> 00:12:51,988 on Netflix with my girlfriend who I cheat on. 299 00:12:52,032 --> 00:12:54,077 - Perfect, perfect. Okay, ready? 300 00:12:55,383 --> 00:12:56,863 - Throw harder. 301 00:12:56,906 --> 00:12:58,821 Why don't you pretend it's something you can't stand, 302 00:12:58,865 --> 00:12:59,866 like a boob? 303 00:13:01,824 --> 00:13:04,609 - How would I pass you a boob, a-and why? 304 00:13:04,653 --> 00:13:07,569 - Pass it! Lame. 305 00:13:07,612 --> 00:13:09,745 Ugh, why did I have to have a gay dad? 306 00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:12,269 Gordo's dad likes sports and has a drinking problem, 307 00:13:12,313 --> 00:13:13,836 and I'm stuck with you. 308 00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:15,316 - I don't like this anymore. 309 00:13:15,359 --> 00:13:16,839 - Just pass me the ball. - Jack. 310 00:13:16,883 --> 00:13:17,797 - [in normal voice] Come on, Will. 311 00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:19,189 Is that the best you can do? 312 00:13:19,233 --> 00:13:20,756 You are embarrassing! 313 00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,323 Ow! 314 00:13:22,366 --> 00:13:24,238 - I'm so sorry. Are you okay? 315 00:13:24,281 --> 00:13:26,936 - Ow. My finger feels a little funny. 316 00:13:29,417 --> 00:13:32,028 Huh, that's not right. 317 00:13:33,682 --> 00:13:34,901 - Jack! [body thuds] 318 00:13:34,944 --> 00:13:37,860 Come on, buddy. - [exhales] 319 00:13:37,904 --> 00:13:39,949 What happened? 320 00:13:39,993 --> 00:13:42,212 Oh, right. 321 00:13:42,256 --> 00:13:43,213 [body thuds] 322 00:13:43,257 --> 00:13:44,432 - Here we go. 323 00:13:46,086 --> 00:13:48,175 - Oh, thank God. 324 00:13:48,218 --> 00:13:50,830 For a minute there, I thought... 325 00:13:54,529 --> 00:13:54,746 . 326 00:13:54,790 --> 00:13:57,097 [bright piano music] 327 00:13:57,140 --> 00:13:59,447 - I have some good news and some bad news. 328 00:13:59,490 --> 00:14:02,015 The bad news is, there is no boat. 329 00:14:02,058 --> 00:14:04,278 The good news is, two of you aren't the father 330 00:14:04,321 --> 00:14:07,107 of Grace's fossil baby. 331 00:14:11,763 --> 00:14:15,419 - But it's not me. I never sleep with this woman. 332 00:14:15,463 --> 00:14:17,987 - Yes, you did. - But I don't remember. 333 00:14:19,423 --> 00:14:20,685 - You picked me up in your cab, 334 00:14:20,729 --> 00:14:22,296 and you took me back to your place. 335 00:14:22,339 --> 00:14:24,428 The next morning, we ate cold pizza 336 00:14:24,472 --> 00:14:26,822 and watched the sunrise over the Trevi Fountain. 337 00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:28,519 It was kind of wonderful. 338 00:14:29,564 --> 00:14:31,174 - If you say so. 339 00:14:33,220 --> 00:14:35,918 - I remember you, changed my life. 340 00:14:35,962 --> 00:14:37,659 - See? That's more like it. 341 00:14:37,702 --> 00:14:40,270 - Being with you, I realize I don't like the women. 342 00:14:40,314 --> 00:14:42,011 I like the men. 343 00:14:45,188 --> 00:14:46,798 - Congratulations, Gracie. 344 00:14:46,842 --> 00:14:48,975 You turned another one gay. 345 00:14:49,018 --> 00:14:53,370 - You can't turn people gay. - I can't, but you can. 346 00:14:55,198 --> 00:14:57,026 All right, gentlemen, moment of truth. 347 00:14:57,070 --> 00:14:59,724 Let's get some DNA samples. 348 00:14:59,768 --> 00:15:02,945 Open up. Thank you. 349 00:15:02,989 --> 00:15:04,468 You're next. 350 00:15:04,512 --> 00:15:05,861 - Wait, let me take out my retainer. 351 00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:08,081 - Oh, my God. 352 00:15:08,124 --> 00:15:09,386 - There we go. 353 00:15:09,430 --> 00:15:12,737 All right, and now you. 354 00:15:25,663 --> 00:15:28,231 - Oh, my God, my pinkie. 355 00:15:28,275 --> 00:15:30,755 And this is my tea hand. 356 00:15:30,799 --> 00:15:33,193 - Jack, I'm so, so sorry. 357 00:15:33,236 --> 00:15:34,846 - Are they gonna cut it off? 358 00:15:34,890 --> 00:15:37,240 Should I take off my pants? 359 00:15:37,284 --> 00:15:38,502 I need a gown! 360 00:15:38,546 --> 00:15:40,461 Something mid-calf and low heel. 361 00:15:40,504 --> 00:15:42,245 - Okay, Jack, Jack, Jack. Hey, hey, hey. 362 00:15:42,289 --> 00:15:44,900 Listen to me. It's gonna be all right, okay? 363 00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:46,597 Okay, I promise you. 364 00:15:46,641 --> 00:15:49,774 Look, I stole this from a cart in the hall. 365 00:15:49,818 --> 00:15:52,255 - Can you do the straw? - Of course I can. 366 00:15:53,735 --> 00:15:56,999 I can't believe I got so upset and humiliated 367 00:15:57,043 --> 00:15:58,174 just pretending with you. 368 00:15:58,218 --> 00:16:01,743 - [sucking] 369 00:16:01,786 --> 00:16:04,180 - I'm gonna be a disaster as a dad. 370 00:16:04,224 --> 00:16:06,269 - Did you grab two? - Of course I did, buddy. 371 00:16:08,750 --> 00:16:11,318 Where is that doctor? 372 00:16:11,361 --> 00:16:13,320 - Look, I know you're worried 373 00:16:13,363 --> 00:16:15,235 that your son is gonna be embarrassed of you, 374 00:16:15,278 --> 00:16:19,717 but here's the thing, he absolutely will be. 375 00:16:19,761 --> 00:16:21,937 Gay, straight, boy, or girl, every kid is embarrassed 376 00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:23,069 of their parents. 377 00:16:23,112 --> 00:16:24,896 - Huh. 378 00:16:24,940 --> 00:16:26,942 - At least you wanna bond with your kid. 379 00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:29,205 You know how far ahead of the game that puts you? 380 00:16:29,249 --> 00:16:30,728 Has your dad ever shown an interest 381 00:16:30,772 --> 00:16:34,297 in anything you loved, like the theater or... 382 00:16:34,341 --> 00:16:35,603 drying dishes? 383 00:16:37,909 --> 00:16:39,781 All you can do is show up, 384 00:16:39,824 --> 00:16:42,566 and you've already shown up before your kid is even born. 385 00:16:42,610 --> 00:16:45,352 - Thanks, Jack. - You're welcome. 386 00:16:45,395 --> 00:16:48,442 [upbeat piano music] 387 00:16:48,485 --> 00:16:49,878 - I don't wanna be rude, but how do we know 388 00:16:49,921 --> 00:16:51,967 that we're the only three guys that she did? 389 00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:53,273 - That's true. 390 00:16:53,316 --> 00:16:54,883 It seemed like her "for hire" sign 391 00:16:54,926 --> 00:16:57,886 is light up all the time. 392 00:16:57,929 --> 00:17:00,454 - It could be ten, twenty, thirty guys. 393 00:17:00,497 --> 00:17:01,977 - What? How dare you? 394 00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:02,978 [knock at door] 395 00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:04,849 You are the only three 396 00:17:04,893 --> 00:17:07,461 who could possibly be the father. 397 00:17:07,504 --> 00:17:11,073 - I didn't have a vasectomy. - And there was one more. 398 00:17:11,117 --> 00:17:12,683 - I panicked. 399 00:17:12,727 --> 00:17:14,294 Grace, I'm so sorry, 400 00:17:14,337 --> 00:17:15,469 but I'm prepared to do the right thing. 401 00:17:15,512 --> 00:17:17,166 I will give up all my hopes and dreams. 402 00:17:17,210 --> 00:17:18,994 I will swallow the very essence of who I am, 403 00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:20,126 and I will marry you 404 00:17:20,169 --> 00:17:21,518 and I will help raise this baby. 405 00:17:21,562 --> 00:17:24,913 - Was that a proposal or a suicide note? 406 00:17:24,956 --> 00:17:27,046 - Can it be both? 407 00:17:27,089 --> 00:17:29,048 Sorry, it's that jokes thing again. 408 00:17:29,091 --> 00:17:30,397 Grace, I'm sorry, 409 00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:33,704 and I-I'm so sorry that I lied to you. 410 00:17:33,748 --> 00:17:36,011 - Did you also lie about the mass murderers 411 00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:37,404 and the left-handedness? 412 00:17:37,447 --> 00:17:38,405 - Oh, it's the worst. 413 00:17:38,448 --> 00:17:39,362 In Italy, we say... 414 00:17:39,406 --> 00:17:41,799 [speaks Italian] 415 00:17:41,843 --> 00:17:43,758 - Who are these guys? - Oh, these are the other men 416 00:17:43,801 --> 00:17:45,629 that Grace slept with in Europe. 417 00:17:45,673 --> 00:17:46,717 - What? 418 00:17:46,761 --> 00:17:48,937 - Oh, thanks. 419 00:17:48,980 --> 00:17:51,896 [bright piano music] 420 00:17:51,940 --> 00:17:53,724 ♪ 421 00:17:58,164 --> 00:17:58,381 . 422 00:17:58,425 --> 00:18:01,384 - Sorry I was being so dramatic about my finger. 423 00:18:01,428 --> 00:18:04,213 Probably didn't need to cry as much as I did. 424 00:18:04,257 --> 00:18:05,910 - Are you kidding? 425 00:18:05,954 --> 00:18:08,217 You cry as much as you want. It was scary. 426 00:18:08,261 --> 00:18:09,566 I was scared. 427 00:18:09,610 --> 00:18:11,786 I'm gonna find that doctor. 428 00:18:13,266 --> 00:18:15,746 - You're a good dad. - Excuse me? 429 00:18:15,790 --> 00:18:17,313 - I heard what you said in there. 430 00:18:17,357 --> 00:18:19,924 So many fathers come in here with hurt little boys, 431 00:18:19,968 --> 00:18:21,622 yelling at them to act like men. 432 00:18:21,665 --> 00:18:23,928 What does that even mean? 433 00:18:23,972 --> 00:18:25,930 I wish there were more dads like you. 434 00:18:25,974 --> 00:18:28,019 - Well, that's nice to hear. 435 00:18:28,063 --> 00:18:30,109 - Let's take a look at this little guy. 436 00:18:31,980 --> 00:18:33,808 Does somebody want a lolli? 437 00:18:33,851 --> 00:18:36,115 - Psych, already found 'em. 438 00:18:36,158 --> 00:18:39,248 [upbeat piano music] 439 00:18:39,292 --> 00:18:40,684 ♪ 440 00:18:40,728 --> 00:18:42,164 - Yeah, no, that's right, Mother. 441 00:18:42,208 --> 00:18:45,036 I was in the hospital. 442 00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:47,909 Well, you'd know that if you ever read my texts. 443 00:18:47,952 --> 00:18:49,911 [mouthing gibberish] 444 00:18:51,826 --> 00:18:53,393 No. 445 00:18:53,436 --> 00:18:55,786 I left my body, okay? 446 00:18:55,830 --> 00:18:59,312 I saw the light, Mother. 447 00:18:59,355 --> 00:19:01,270 I met God. 448 00:19:01,314 --> 00:19:05,231 Yes, I did, and he apologized for dropping me off with you 449 00:19:05,274 --> 00:19:06,971 when I was supposed to go to Barbra. 450 00:19:07,015 --> 00:19:09,278 I could be Jason frickin' Gould right now. 451 00:19:09,322 --> 00:19:12,238 I could be shopping in the underground mall, Judith! 452 00:19:12,281 --> 00:19:14,240 [elevator dings] 453 00:19:16,590 --> 00:19:19,070 Are you at the salon? 454 00:19:19,114 --> 00:19:22,596 No, I told you I wanted to do your hair this week. 455 00:19:22,639 --> 00:19:24,685 No, don't be silly. I'm never too busy for you. 456 00:19:24,728 --> 00:19:27,470 Just leave now, I'll give you a quick blowout, 457 00:19:27,514 --> 00:19:28,950 and then we'll go to Souplantation, all right? 458 00:19:28,993 --> 00:19:30,821 Byeeee. 459 00:19:30,865 --> 00:19:32,345 - That's it. 460 00:19:32,388 --> 00:19:34,085 In three weeks, you will find out 461 00:19:34,129 --> 00:19:36,436 which one of those guys is the father of your baby. 462 00:19:36,479 --> 00:19:38,481 For what it's worth, I hope it's the young one, 463 00:19:38,525 --> 00:19:40,440 so that somebody's alive when the kid goes to college. 464 00:19:43,225 --> 00:19:45,836 You going to the post office or... 465 00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:47,925 - What am I doing? 466 00:19:47,969 --> 00:19:49,927 This isn't gonna tell me who the father is. 467 00:19:49,971 --> 00:19:51,451 - I think that's exactly what it's gonna do. 468 00:19:51,494 --> 00:19:54,236 - No, no. Will, biology doesn't matter. 469 00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:58,240 If this baby has a father, it'll be someone I love, 470 00:19:58,284 --> 00:20:00,634 who wants to raise the baby with me. 471 00:20:00,677 --> 00:20:03,027 And if that doesn't happen, 472 00:20:03,071 --> 00:20:05,465 I will give this child everything it needs. 473 00:20:07,728 --> 00:20:10,165 - You're right. You don't need anyone else. 474 00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:11,819 You got me. You got McCoy. 475 00:20:11,862 --> 00:20:14,343 - And if Idris Elba wants to throw his hat in the ring, 476 00:20:14,387 --> 00:20:16,954 I will not kick him out of bed. 477 00:20:16,998 --> 00:20:18,260 - Perfect, so you got four of us. 478 00:20:18,304 --> 00:20:20,088 We'll have to work out a shower schedule. 479 00:20:20,131 --> 00:20:22,482 I guess you'll go first, then the three of us. 480 00:20:22,525 --> 00:20:23,918 That was easy. 481 00:20:25,398 --> 00:20:28,618 - I'm gonna throw it away. - Uh... allow me. 482 00:20:34,537 --> 00:20:38,106 Who's embarrassed now, unborn child? 483 00:20:38,149 --> 00:20:41,152 That sounded weird, but it felt good. 484 00:20:41,196 --> 00:20:42,589 [knock at door] 485 00:20:44,068 --> 00:20:45,983 - Excuse me, ma'am. 486 00:20:46,027 --> 00:20:47,246 - Hi, D.J. 487 00:20:47,289 --> 00:20:49,248 - My mom says that if I am the dad 488 00:20:49,291 --> 00:20:51,424 that I have to invite you to my fraternity formal. 489 00:20:53,513 --> 00:20:54,470 - Oh, come on. 490 00:20:54,514 --> 00:20:55,993 - It's at the Spaghetti Factory. 491 00:20:56,037 --> 00:20:57,430 - When is it? 492 00:20:58,953 --> 00:20:59,954 - It's May 22nd. 493 00:20:59,997 --> 00:21:01,216 The theme is the 2000s. 494 00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:03,523 - That's already a theme? 495 00:21:03,566 --> 00:21:05,612 - Wait, did you sleep with him too? 496 00:21:06,830 --> 00:21:09,659 - No, but trust me, I tried.